This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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