I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
