I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
