oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
