She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
