you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
