Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
