Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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