one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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