No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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