so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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