So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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