My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
