Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
