There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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