Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
