Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
