Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
