I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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