It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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