So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
