Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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