thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
