i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
