I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we're so committed to being not committed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
