Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
