Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
