I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
