and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
