I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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