she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
