So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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