ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
