who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
