i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
