It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
