I skipped work to stalk him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
