Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
3pm strippers are depressing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
