it wasn't lemon gatorade
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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