I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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