Having a random hookup so left but love u
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
