I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
