why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
