I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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