Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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