people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm really busy with my period
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