Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
