what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
