i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
