dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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