bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
