So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
