question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
