Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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