Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
